Gaslighting

  • By Geet Chakravorty
  • December 28, 2019
  • Personality Development
Gaslighting

Gaslighting

The first time I’ve heard about Gaslighting was about 2 years ago. Even though I didn’t understand the word before, once I started reading it. I right away recognised the symptoms. Gaslighting is a very dangerous type of emotional abuse, which makes you doubt your own perception of reality making, making you lose your self-confidence and often leading to severe depression.

Luckily, I’ve ne’er veteran this cruel variety of  psychological manipulation myself, but I have several close friends who have and I’ve experienced first hand, how destructive it can be and how tough it’s to get better once your trust in individuals has been broken.
Gaslighting happens far more typically than we expect, however gaslighters are real master manipulators. When you’re in a relationship it’s usually very difficult to see the situation clearly, because you automatically refuse to believe that someone you care so deeply for would abuse you in such a cruel way. Moreover, in the beginning of the relationship, they often use a tactic called mirroring. They mimic your gestures, feelings and interests in an attempt to charm you into believing that they care deeply about you and to find out your secrets and weaknesses, so that they will use them against you presently. Typically they are doing it even while not consciously puzzling over it.

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AM I A VICTIM OF GASLIGHTING?

Here are a few signs to help you recognise that you might be in a gaslighting relationship:
• You’ve stopped trusting your own judgments.

• If you are not able to speak and express how you feel about yourself.

You feel the need to apologies all the time for what you do or who you are?

You often second-guess yourself and your ability to remember things.

• If you feel that you are constantly on the edge and you are not able to explain why.

• You are feeling like there’s some thing “fundamentally” wrong with you.

• You will feel guilty for not feeling happy like you used to do .

WHY VICTIMS DON’T LEAVE THEIR GASLIGHTERS??

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There are a million and one reasons why people stay in an abusive relationship.

You might be financially tied to your partner or desperate wanting to stay for the sake of    your children

Sometimes you might feel like you deserve the abuse that’s coming your way or you’re just too scared to leave.

But moreover the most common reason for staying with the Gaslighter is that you can’t see your relationship objectively. Gaslighters make their victims believe that their current situation is normal and they do everything they can distance their partners from friends and family, so it’s hard to get a second opinion.
The reason why gaslighting is so dangerous is that they make you believe that something’s wrong with you and not them!

That’s why it’s so important for the gaslighting victims to know about stories that are similar to theirs, so they can see the signs and understand that their relationship is not healthy. That’s ultimately what inspired me to write this blog

In order to raise awareness of gaslighting and help the victims recognise its signs early, I’m currently researching and trying to spread awareness through this blog

When writing the blog  I’ve done a lot of research on mental abuse in relationships, which included reading Wendy Behary’s book “Disarming the Narcissist” The Ultimate Narcissistic Mind Control”

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Examples of Gaslighting

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So, are you a victim of gaslighting manipulation? Take a look at the following signs of gaslighting behavior:

1. Blatant lying

First, people who gaslight tell obvious lies. You know that they are lying. The problem is how they are lying with such ease. The gaslighter is setting up an abusive pattern. You begin to question everything and become uncertain of the simplest matters. This self-doubt is exactly what the gaslighter wants.

2. Deny, Deny, Deny

Again, you know they said what they said. However, they completely deny ever saying it. The gaslighter would  push  you to the point and ask you to ‘prove it,’ knowing that you only have your memory of the conversation that they are denying happened. It starts to make you question your memory and your reality. You will  start  to wonder if the gaslighter is right,  maybe they didn’t really ever say what you remember. Many a times you will start questioning your reality  and accepts theirs.

3. Using what you love against you

On top of that person who gaslights use what is closest to you against you as a tool to target.

Additionally, those who gaslight use what’s nearest to you against you If you love your job, they will find issues with it.  For example, If you have children, the gaslighter may force you to believe you should never have had them. This kind of abusive manipulation tactic causes the victim to question the foundation of themselves as well as what they hold close in their lives.

4. The slow death of self

One of the terrible  parts of gaslighting is the methodical timeline that the abuser uses. The manipulation happens step by step and over the years the sufferer morphs into someone totally different. The most confident human being can become a shell of a person without being aware of it in the process. The victim’s individual reality diminishes and becomes that of the abuser.

5. Words vs. Actions

Notably, a person who gaslights talks and talks. However, their words mean nothing. Therefore, it is important to look at what they are doing. The problems lie in their abusive actions closer to the victim.

6. Love and flattery

A common method of a person who gaslights is to tear you down after which construct and then build you back up, only to tear you down again. However, the uneasiness comes from the love and flattery. Whether you comprehend it or not, you are becoming used to being torn down However, the praise may also lead you to suppose that the abuser isn’t all that bad.

7.Confusion

Without a doubt, people crave stability, and the gaslighter knows this.. The regular confusion that the abuser has instilled leads the victim to end up despair. More frequently than not, the sufferer searches for this clarity within the abuser thus continuing the cycle and increasing the power that the abuser has.

8. Projecting

If the gaslighter is a liar and a cheater, they’re now accusing you of being a liar

. You constantly feel like you need to defend yourself for things you haven’t done.

 9. “You’re crazy”

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The gaslighter knows that you are already questioning your sanity. The gaslighter also knows that you search for clarity in the person who is causing the confusion. Therefore you believe it , when they call you crazy!

Furthermore, these people “gaslighter”  may also tell other people that you’re crazy. This way if you were ever to approach them for help with your abuser, they wouldn’t believe you. The gaslighter also is aware of that you look for readability in the person that is purposefully inflicting the confusion.

10. Everyone else is a liar

The abuser may also tell you that everyone else is against you and that they are all liars. Again, believing that everyone else is lying to you forces your sense of realityto be further blurred. People who gaslight want their victims to turn to them for everything so that they can continue the abuse.

The fastest you could understand on those gaslighting techniques,,,better luck you will have to avoid a gaslighter’s abuse and maintain the distinct reality of your circumstances.

Gaslighting Abuse

Gaslighting is a condition  of mental and emotional abuse.It promotes anxiety, depression, and can trigger mental disorders .

Culturally, women are depicted as overly emotional, fragile things who cry on the drop of a hat.. Furthermore, the label “crazy” is eagerly located on any character who expresses their feelings in a passionate way. You don’t like certain behaviors – you’re crazy. You have your own opinions – you’re crazy. As a result, crazy has emerge as a term that others use to get off .However, gaslighting is not women being overly emotional or they are acting crazy. Gaslighting is psychological abuse and cannot be overlooked.

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The Gaslighter

Gaslighting is a practice commonly used by narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. Since these are phrases we usually listen on trv to describe a serial killer,, you may not realize this person may be in your day to day life. 

Narcissist

Narcissistic have an excessive obsession or admiration with themselves. Narcissistic abuse stems from the narcissist’s utter inability to empathize with others. Individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be extremely manipulative and have no regard for the well-being of its victim.

Sociopath

Sociopathsexhibit complete lack of shame or remorse for their actions. The personality disorder is loosely defined as a person with no conscience.

Psychopath

Psychopaths are the   people suffering from a chronicle mental disorder that leads to abnormal and have  violent social behavior While psychopaths, narcissists, and sociopaths are all over pop-culture, they are also everywhere in our day to day lives; we just may not realize it.

               How To Deal With Gaslighting ??

  • Gaslighting is a emotional abuse that causes psychological distress for its victims. With that being said, if you have experienced one form of gaslighting or another, you’re not alone.
  • The following list may help when faced with gaslighting:
  • First, get the clarification who is gaslighting you and how. Take notes of any time you have questioned your perception of reality. In order to move on, you need to confirm the gaslighting is happening.
  • Additionally, set aside time to meditate. This will help you stay grounded and objective if the reality of your situation is ever questioned.
  • Talk to friends or family members who you trust. Seek guidance from a therapist or mental health professional.
  • Finally, shift your perspective. You will no longer   be a victim, you are a survivor.

Time to Rebuild!!

By and large, we are living in an unusual and frightening time.  Gaslighting is being referred to as the newest dating trend and even our President is being accused of gaslighting.

The good news is, you can repair the damage. It is entirely possible to regain the confidence and self-worth that you lost at the hands of the abuser. Knowledge and awareness are crucial for the re growth of clarity and sense of self. You’re already on your way.

geet chakrabat

Author: Geet Chakravorty

SOFT SKILLS TRAINER & IMAGE CONSULTANT

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4 thoughts on “Gaslighting

  1. Good observation and thoughtful writing. Keep up the good work.

  2. Mansi Kundan Katariya Reply

    Very informative article.

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